on the occasion of the 12th anniversary of my bar mitzvah, some thoughts:
והיה אם שמוע תשמע בקול יקוק אליקוך לשמור לעשתו את כל מצותיו אשר אנוכי מצוך היום––ונתנך יקוק אלוקיך עליון
על כל גויי הארץ
we have to listen to the voice of Hashem, not just do things as is so easy to get caught up in our world, we have to obey in the classic sense of the word, of listening, of ‘hearkening in the direction of.’ It’s not enough to just follow something else, but we’re supposed to be in relation to El Chai v’kayyam, to a living God, and if we tune in, we can on a moment-to-moment basis, ie this day, not that bygone day, also experience something of the Divine, we can pull back the curtain from our existence, where the reality of the Divine is usually camouflaged by the dullness of the ordinary and the voice of the Divine is drowned out by the busyness of life and the constant distractions and entertainment and pursuit, the marathon on the hedonic treadmill. And so we have to take care first to hearken and to listen, and then also to do, not just to profess belief as so many ‘religious’ people or ‘believers’ do, but to see our action rather than thoughts as what our belief really is, getting down to the real beliefs, the ones in our subconscious that actually set our agenda/drive our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I think this is one reason I’m so interested in pursuing contemplative practice. In the path of meditation, we open and tune in to this domain so we can really examine what’s there.
Rebbe Nachman, the 18th century Hasidic master, talks in one of his Torahs (teachings) about teshuva, the theme of Elul and our current time in the Jewish year. He begins by comparing two dialectical motivations that drive our behavior, goals, actions, and ways of relating. The first he calls ‘kavod melachim,’ or the honor of kings. Kavod melachim, Rebbe Nachman explains, is the pursuit of social regard, to be seen in a certain way by others for the sake of one’s own gain, advance, or aggrandizement, to have status and be thought of as______ (fill in the blank for your most coveted way of being seen). R’ Nachman points out that when we pursue kavod melachim we often encounter a path full of obstacles, with others quick to question us and investigate our motives and be in general rather uncooperative, I believe because they sense, perhaps in an unconscious way, that there is an implicit competitiveness and threat in the vying for a scarcity of social capital, not unlike opposing kings who sense that ‘there ain’t room enough for the both of us.’
The second motivation, in stark contrast to the first, is called ‘kavod Elokim,’ the honor of God. One who pursues kavod Elokim is moved by a mission and a force greater than herself. She isn’t out to ‘win shamayim (heaven) points’ or be promoted to partner or garner awards or go down in history as a somebody, but rather senses that there is something she’s being called for, something calling her which in its fullest manifestation is a whole way of being absent of ego, of thoughts or acts of hate, jealousy, greed, arrogance. One who is (or when one is) pursuing kavod Elokim, Rebbe Nachman asserts--and you’re free to reflect on your own experience--finds that people are very willing and happy to help her, that they are cooperative rather than suspicious, perhaps touched by the invisible grace of sincerity, integrity, authenticity, of the conviction and dedication of ovdei Hashem, servants of God.
Our ability to do this full teshuva, R’ Nachman explains, is confounded by our emotional imbalance. When we get angry or live/respond reactively (as opposed to deliberately), even when we’re ‘quite justified’ by most standards, the effect is the obscuring of the Divine in front of us, the crippling of our ability to feel and act towards ourselves and others graciously and with kindness, compassion, and openness. So he explains that our challenge is to cultivate a stillness, so that when our buttons are pushed, the ones that normally cause us to explode (or implode), to lose it, in the face of those very frustrations and wrong treatment we have to be still, hold the openness of perspective and not let those stimuli overtake our entire awareness. We can notice but hold our ground(edness). Ironically perhaps, in the case of our mental reckoning with these events, it is the path of attentiveness and minimal engagement which best keeps us free and tuned in.
ואתה לא תלוה.
Finally I’ll add, these are not ideas which you have to accept from me as such. I find it fascinating that at the end of our parsha, the most conspicuously Godly part of our narrative- that of the signs and wonders that God wrought with Pharaoh in Mitzrayim, are actually downplayed. Moshe says, you saw all those great wonders, and yet, not until today
ולא נתן יקוק לכם לב לדעת ועינים לראות ואזנים לשמוע עד היום הזה,
did God give you the heart to know, the eyes to see, and the ears to hear, until this day, a time only after
ואולך אתכם ארבעים שנה במדבר לא בלו שלמותיכם מעליכם ונעלך לבלתה מעל רגלך
Moshe had led the people forty years in the desert and yet their clothes had not worn out, nor their shoes gone hard on them. He points out also that this is a different covenant than that of Horev (Sinai). I think the point here is that of a different covenantal and relational paradigm for a mature spirituality. This is not just ‘take me at my word,’ but rather, see now, pay attention to your experience and see with your very own eyes what is of lasting value and virtue, and what provides only ephemeral or illusory benefit. See, now that you have lived a little bit, perhaps that those popular and successful types who were running about after kavod melachim some years down the road don’t usually end up so happy or fulfilled, lives and relationships falling apart; often we can get so alienated and distant from our essential selves and God that, though we sense something lacking, we try even harder for the only thing we know, kavod melachim, yet like drinking salt water, we find ourselves even further lost. And see now the alternative, the humble ones, or the times we acted for kavod Elokim, purely for a greater Goodness or Godliness. In the covenant of the spiritually mature we can see for ourselves the glory and blessing of hearkening to the call of the Divine. Teshuva, R’ Nachman says, means being ready to become. In this season of teshuva, let us all be open, let us grow and return from our ego trips and self-righteousness and come back eagerly and wholeheartedly to the more subtle and more fulfilling pursuit of kevod Elokim.
we have to listen to the voice of Hashem, not just do things as is so easy to get caught up in our world, we have to obey in the classic sense of the word, of listening, of ‘hearkening in the direction of.’ It’s not enough to just follow something else, but we’re supposed to be in relation to El Chai v’kayyam, to a living God, and if we tune in, we can on a moment-to-moment basis, ie this day, not that bygone day, also experience something of the Divine, we can pull back the curtain from our existence, where the reality of the Divine is usually camouflaged by the dullness of the ordinary and the voice of the Divine is drowned out by the busyness of life and the constant distractions and entertainment and pursuit, the marathon on the hedonic treadmill. And so we have to take care first to hearken and to listen, and then also to do, not just to profess belief as so many ‘religious’ people or ‘believers’ do, but to see our action rather than thoughts as what our belief really is, getting down to the real beliefs, the ones in our subconscious that actually set our agenda/drive our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I think this is one reason I’m so interested in pursuing contemplative practice. In the path of meditation, we open and tune in to this domain so we can really examine what’s there.
Rebbe Nachman, the 18th century Hasidic master, talks in one of his Torahs (teachings) about teshuva, the theme of Elul and our current time in the Jewish year. He begins by comparing two dialectical motivations that drive our behavior, goals, actions, and ways of relating. The first he calls ‘kavod melachim,’ or the honor of kings. Kavod melachim, Rebbe Nachman explains, is the pursuit of social regard, to be seen in a certain way by others for the sake of one’s own gain, advance, or aggrandizement, to have status and be thought of as______ (fill in the blank for your most coveted way of being seen). R’ Nachman points out that when we pursue kavod melachim we often encounter a path full of obstacles, with others quick to question us and investigate our motives and be in general rather uncooperative, I believe because they sense, perhaps in an unconscious way, that there is an implicit competitiveness and threat in the vying for a scarcity of social capital, not unlike opposing kings who sense that ‘there ain’t room enough for the both of us.’
The second motivation, in stark contrast to the first, is called ‘kavod Elokim,’ the honor of God. One who pursues kavod Elokim is moved by a mission and a force greater than herself. She isn’t out to ‘win shamayim (heaven) points’ or be promoted to partner or garner awards or go down in history as a somebody, but rather senses that there is something she’s being called for, something calling her which in its fullest manifestation is a whole way of being absent of ego, of thoughts or acts of hate, jealousy, greed, arrogance. One who is (or when one is) pursuing kavod Elokim, Rebbe Nachman asserts--and you’re free to reflect on your own experience--finds that people are very willing and happy to help her, that they are cooperative rather than suspicious, perhaps touched by the invisible grace of sincerity, integrity, authenticity, of the conviction and dedication of ovdei Hashem, servants of God.
Our ability to do this full teshuva, R’ Nachman explains, is confounded by our emotional imbalance. When we get angry or live/respond reactively (as opposed to deliberately), even when we’re ‘quite justified’ by most standards, the effect is the obscuring of the Divine in front of us, the crippling of our ability to feel and act towards ourselves and others graciously and with kindness, compassion, and openness. So he explains that our challenge is to cultivate a stillness, so that when our buttons are pushed, the ones that normally cause us to explode (or implode), to lose it, in the face of those very frustrations and wrong treatment we have to be still, hold the openness of perspective and not let those stimuli overtake our entire awareness. We can notice but hold our ground(edness). Ironically perhaps, in the case of our mental reckoning with these events, it is the path of attentiveness and minimal engagement which best keeps us free and tuned in.
We sing in our liturgy from Psalms that בתוך ענן ידבר אליהם, that God speaks to us from within a cloud. When we learn to cultivate stillness and peace, then we allow ourselves the possibility of getting in touch with that really deep impulse available to each of us, the force which is the Divine attempting to insinuate Its way into our consciousness and flood our lives, as our parsha says in great detail, with abundant blessings, that God will open the treasure of the heavens before us.
יפתח ה’ לך את אוצרו הטוב את השמים לתת מטר ארצך בעתו ולברך את כל מעשה ידך והלוית גוים רביםואתה לא תלוה.
Finally I’ll add, these are not ideas which you have to accept from me as such. I find it fascinating that at the end of our parsha, the most conspicuously Godly part of our narrative- that of the signs and wonders that God wrought with Pharaoh in Mitzrayim, are actually downplayed. Moshe says, you saw all those great wonders, and yet, not until today
ולא נתן יקוק לכם לב לדעת ועינים לראות ואזנים לשמוע עד היום הזה,
did God give you the heart to know, the eyes to see, and the ears to hear, until this day, a time only after
ואולך אתכם ארבעים שנה במדבר לא בלו שלמותיכם מעליכם ונעלך לבלתה מעל רגלך
Moshe had led the people forty years in the desert and yet their clothes had not worn out, nor their shoes gone hard on them. He points out also that this is a different covenant than that of Horev (Sinai). I think the point here is that of a different covenantal and relational paradigm for a mature spirituality. This is not just ‘take me at my word,’ but rather, see now, pay attention to your experience and see with your very own eyes what is of lasting value and virtue, and what provides only ephemeral or illusory benefit. See, now that you have lived a little bit, perhaps that those popular and successful types who were running about after kavod melachim some years down the road don’t usually end up so happy or fulfilled, lives and relationships falling apart; often we can get so alienated and distant from our essential selves and God that, though we sense something lacking, we try even harder for the only thing we know, kavod melachim, yet like drinking salt water, we find ourselves even further lost. And see now the alternative, the humble ones, or the times we acted for kavod Elokim, purely for a greater Goodness or Godliness. In the covenant of the spiritually mature we can see for ourselves the glory and blessing of hearkening to the call of the Divine. Teshuva, R’ Nachman says, means being ready to become. In this season of teshuva, let us all be open, let us grow and return from our ego trips and self-righteousness and come back eagerly and wholeheartedly to the more subtle and more fulfilling pursuit of kevod Elokim.
